I used to be a tornado. Now i’m just a cold air in an empty room.

I remember like it was yesterday that i used to be the busiest person in the world. Doing things left and right. Now, all i do is read laws and cases sitting on outdoor chaise lounges. I know, this too shall past. I’m doing it for myself, for my future.

I have a problem that i can never tell in this blog, but this is the only vent i know. I need to let this feeling out. This is my catharsis, punching walls is not my thing.

This is a rare case of a good-news-bad-news type of problem. Once this is over, it’s over… people will move and carry on. All i have to do is explain everything which is not the easiest thing for me to do. I hate explaining myself but i have to. The bad news is, i lost to some battle that no body is aware of. I was fighting alone. Now, that it’s over, people made me realize that they would have supported me if they only knew. That winning that battle could have been more possible if i asked for their help. Sometimes i do things that destroy me.

Now it’s eerily cold and silent in my place. I’ve learned my lesson. Sorry. I wish i had these wondeful slot cars.

Ages 1-5: Blurred memory of his childhood. He was afraid of the Chinese because his sister brainwashed him that Empress Dowager from Julio at Julia will kidnap him for going out and playing with his neighbors. Also, he shits on his yaya’s face while she was sleeping.

Age 6: Ate crayons, leaves and papers. He was known as the weird guy from grade 1 who has the coolest pencil case that side of the planet.

Age 9: He likes to draw Ghost Fighter, BTX, and a whole lot of animes that could be a sign that he will never get laid for the rest of his life. The whole school is his playground and the library is his hide-out. Although at that time he don’t read books without pictures. He is quite famous with the nuns for being Sister Aids’ bitch.

Age 11: Still drawing animes, robots and whatnots. By that time he collected almost 500 teks cards from different animes and cartoons. Still a geek, but not really a dead kid.

Age 13: This was the year when he got circumcised. The doctor is a she and Hener will never forget how that woman butchered his meat stick. The year when he experience for the first time how good it is to pee without the prepuce blocking for a golden shower. It was an awesome feeling.

Age 14: Hener ran for student council and won like Obama. Had a lot of issues regarding himself, teenage angst and all that. Made things that he will never be proud of.  Hener lost interest in drawing, he said that it’s too childish, but honestly, he just lost faith in himself.

Age 15: He got braced and felt pain every week. Eventually he got addicted to pain that he couldn’t wait for his braces to be tightened more. He realized that he is a motherfucking masochist. Come on… slap him, it turns him on!

Age 17: He graduated highschool without honors, but still, left highschool as a legend. Reached college, started a blog, joined a lifetime organization… those became his life eversince.

Age 19: Got really annoyed that he can’t gain weight as though he is taking the best diet pills. He hates it until now. He saw, witnessed, and experienced the cruelties and goodness in this world. Those things remind him that he’s lucky to be alive.  Young, dumb and full of come. Now he’s ready to be 20 and he doesn’t care whatever comes in his way. Bring it.

Everyone knows that once a pot is broken, you can never bring it back like it was before. Even if you have the best super-mega-ultra-wonder glue to piece it all up together, you still got the marks and cracks of ruined junk. Even if you paint it and conceal the fractures, in it is still a shattered trash which rots like a dead body six feet under. A worthless piece of shit.

Memory. I hate memories. It’s a torture remembering all the stuff we went through. As though it suggest that no matter how happy and beautiful your pasts are, you can never bring it back the way it used to.

I don’t care if this has become an Emo-cum-hate blog. I don’t care. You don’t care. All i care about is how wonderful Lipovox is.

Huhu, the block and i were suppose to be in Cebu right now. I didn’t pushed through because i don’t have enough budget. Unionbank is real SHIT. They seem to have no idea of what a bank is. A bank should provide you money when you need it the most. Who own’s unionbank by the way? And where is its main office? You should never trust your money on unionbank. They’re a bunch of fecal matter.

I email them, but still no reply. I tried calling their customer service but the line seems to be out of service. WTF? This bank is incompetence in 3d. I just can’t believe that at this age, where you can apply passport online at the click of a second, such things still exist.

Anyway, ’nuff of the badvibes.

Masarap mabuhay sa mundong ito, kung saan perpekto ang lahat ng tao. Nasusukat ang kagandahan sa kahusayan sa Adobe Photoshop. Bida ang magaling magsulat. Sa mundong walang batas, walang Presidenteng kupal, walang rice shortage, walang kasinungalingan o katotohanan. Ang lugar ng mga marurunong at nagmamarunong.

Pag pumapasok ako sa mundong ito, nag-iiba ang anyo ko. Kabaliktaran ng taong makakasalubong mo sa mundong mapanghusga. Gwapo, matipuno, walang problema sa buhay. Masayahin, maraming kaibigan, sikat. Iba ako sa inaakala mo. Iba ang blog sa blogger na nagsusulat dito. Magkaibang tao si Hener at Rens.

Ginagawa ko ang lahat ng makakaya kong hindi magtagpo ang dalawang mundo ko. Mahirap. Ilambeses akong palipat-lipat. Nagtatago sa mga kontrabida ng buhay ko. Ayaw ko magkaroon ng butas ang dalawang ilog na tinatahak ko. Pero wala akong magawa, nagiging maliit ang mundong ito para saakin. O di kaya lumalaki lang talaga ako.

Marami akong multo at kalansay na tinatago sa baul ko. Hindi niyo kakayaning lunukin at sipsipin ang kontrobersya ko. Handa na ba ako maging isa ang dalawang buhay na kong ito? Hindi ko alam. Pero ang tanong, handa na ba kayo?